“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” St. Paul in Romans 7:15
St. Paul was talking about sin, but I feel that I could say the same words just substitute “emotions” where it says “actions”. Lately I have been lethargic, quick-tempered, and able to cry at the drop of a hat. Yes, I probably have postpartum depression. (Don’t worry – I’m seeking help.) But that’s where Satan, the “Father of Lies” is starting to whisper his falsehoods into my ear. He tells me, “If you would just pray more you wouldn’t feel so depressed.” “See, God’s grace isn’t enough – you need medication too.” “You aren’t good enough.” “Your family would be better off if they had a different mother.”
I’m not behaving or thinking as I want to be; instead my behaviors are annoying me and those around me. I hate feeling this way. I hate spending so much time crying while meanwhile the dirty dishes are piling up. I don’t like just sitting there watching through a haze as my kids are being so cute; I want to be there playing with them & sharing in their fun. I don’t like not feeling like myself. Then I get upset at myself that there’s an interior battle going on inside of me. Why can’t I just snap out of it?!?
But then Jesus, the Voice of Truth, speaks to me. He reminds me that He loves me (see my earlier post https://rhisbeloved.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/gods-love-changes-everything/). He reminds me that this is a hormonal imbalance that is temporary because I recently gave birth. He reminds me that His Grace is sufficient & if I lean on Him and ask Him, He will give me the patience and calm to not be so quick-tempered and to not yell. He reminds me that people are more important than things and that I have accomplished something in that I have fed and provided for my children and kept them safe. (So what if it takes a week to put the laundry away.) He reminds me:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ~2 Corinthians 12:9
“We also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” ~Romans 5:3-5
What lies are Satan whispering in your ear: you’ll be happy once you get the item you want? you’re not good-looking enough? it doesn’t matter what you do? you can’t afford another child? your fulfillment will come from getting the job/spouse that you have your eye on? you are too busy to go to church?
Don’t listen! Recognize them for what they are – lies. Instead turn to Jesus and let his light and love and truth penetrate to the depths of your heart. What is He trying to tell you? Listen to the voice of truth. Listen as Jesus says, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” John 14:6.
Let His truth bring you life.
“Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns