What do you want?

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My women’s prayer group is reading a scripture study book called   Unleashed: How to Receive Everything the Holy Spirit Wants to Give You by Sonja Corbitt. In Chapter One, she asks “What do you want [from the Holy Spirit]?” My immediate mental answer was “to be able to pray & have my hands do whatever I’m praying.” For example, I could pray for protection from the weather and the storm would stop at my hands. Or I could pray someone would not get hurt in an accident and my hands would move or stop the car. Or I’d be praying someone would be healed and my hands would glow

  & the person would be healed. Kinda like superhero powers. Like Holy X-men.

Then I laughed at myself – because that is something that seven-year-old Renee would have said.  At yet here I am at 34 wanting the same thing.  I know that Jesus said we should have child-like faith but I don’t think that is what is was talking about.  Instead I was reminded of the verse in 1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

I felt that God was calling me to grow up and think like the adult woman that I am: “What do you want?” After much prayer & soul-searching, I have decided.  I have decided that I want JOY to be ever-present in my life.

In high school, I used to be good at “offering it up” during uncomfortable situations.  But recently that is not the case.  Almost everything in my life now seems to be dragging me down and causing me stress (laundry, dishes, cooking dinner, grading papers, cleaning, lesson planning, making sandwiches, changing diapers, etc.)  I wish that I could embrace these opportunities to serve my family and find joy in them as ways to be more like Christ.  That is my prayer now as we are reading & discussing the last several chapters.

“Lord, please give me your eyes so that I can see my daily duties as opportunities to grow closer to You instead of drudgery.  Please fill me with the Joy of knowing & loving you.  Please help me to grow up and mature in my faith so that I long for what you want for me and not silly stuff.  Please help me to die to myself and put others first.  Please help me to accept that this is my calling in life.  Please protect me from the external pressures in life – don’t let them sway me – but instead be my rock and the center of my life, so that deep down in my soul I have Your peace and joy. Amen.”

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